3 Ways to Intentionally Love Your Husband
- Jan 12, 2022
- 6 min read
Intentionality is extremely important. I try to do the following 3 things daily and without hesitation. I love my husband and I hope that sharing these intentional acts will help you learn to love your already or soon-to-be husband better as you learn more about him on your marriage journey.
I am currently only 4 months into my own marriage, but these 3 things have proven to be great ways to fill my husbands love tank (discussed under #2). Being fairly new to marriage, I encourage you to read this with an open mind -- I'm still learning, myself.
(Please note: this blog post is not sponsored or affiliated in any way.)
#1: Learn the Love Languages
"Funny story, my husband and I thought I was Physical Touch before reading the book, Quality Time after reading the book, but now know that I'm Acts of Service after 4 months of marriage."
Love languages are super important and I can't stress that enough. Seriously, you might be loving your husband as best you know how, but if your not loving him in his language, that love is not gonna be communicated in a way he understands. Yes, this means there are language barriers to love. Don't let this intimidate you! Learning your husbands love language is really fun, especially once you start to figure it out. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, I encourage you to click the link below!
"Gary Chapman, Ph.D.—author, speaker, and counselor—has a passion for people, and for helping them form lasting relationships. Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages® is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling over twenty million copies and has been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007." (5lovelanguages.com) My husband and I bought Gary Chapmans book on the 5 Love Languages while doing premarital counseling. The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Quality Time. As my husband (then fiance) and I read the book together, we took the quiz to see what our love languages were. We took this test before, during and after reading the book. This test is based on how well you pay attention to your own responses to your spouses actions. Funny story, my husband and I thought I was Physical Touch before reading the book, Quality Time after reading the book, but now know that I'm Acts of Service after 4 months of marriage. The point is, you might not figure it out right away, but getting it wrong actually helps you figure it out. It's part of the learning process! Go ahead and take the test by clicking the link below to get started.
The tricky part about the love languages is that you or your partner may be fluent in more than one language. Your job is to learn what language is needed and when. I'll give a few examples: click the dropdown arrow to read the example for each language.
Words of Affirmation
My husband and I are intentional about telling each other we are proud of each other, thanking God for each other during prayers before our lunch and dinner, and telling each other we love each other any time we feel it to be true.
Acts of Service
My husband gets up an hour before me every morning to wash dishes for me. I make him coffee once I'm awake, and lunch and dinner every day of the week. I enjoy cooking and he loves my food so this is super practical for us.
Physical Touch
My husband currently works from home due to covid, so I will randomly walk into his office and kiss his cheek or rub his back throughout the day. For me, I love cuddles in the evenings after dinner.
Receiving Gifts
Get creative with this one! My husband is super simple and dislikes being made into a big deal, so I will make one of his favorite meals or desserts every week. I am the same way, so my husband takes me on some sort of adventure at least once a month. (We both are very low in this language, yet we try to incorporate it anyway.)
Quality Time
Remember how I said I like cuddles in the evenings after dinner? This is great for couples where one of you is quality time and the other is physical touch. It takes out 2 birds with one stone. My husband will play Halo on his Xbox, while I read or scroll Pinterest. We are both doing something we love, together.
Love languages look different for each couple. I absolutely love when my husband does the dishes for me before I wake up in the morning. Your husband may loathe dishes, so you probably don't want to make him do this. What about another chore you don't like that your husband doesn't mind? How about taking out the trash or folding laundry? The biggest thing to remember is that you need to love your partner in their language. It may not make sense to you right away, but that's okay. Most languages take time to learn. Forgive me for being blunt, but your job as a wife is to serve your husband selflessly. If his language is something that you're not used to, sorry girl, you're gonna have to be okay with being uncomfortable for a little bit while you learn with the intention and goal of loving your man well. Nothing is worth it if it isn't hard.
#2: Prioritize Communication
"If you don't make a plan, you're setting yourselves up to fight each other rather than working together to fight the problem."
Boy, was this hard when my husband and I started dating. I come from a family that is lacking in this department. Communication was super important to me because I knew how important good communication is, but had no idea what it looked like. I took the first step in telling this to my husband within our first month of dating. We made an agreement to always tell each other if something was bothering us--no matter what it was. This has saved us from so many arguments. Yes, we still disagree from time to time, but we clearly state what we're feeling and our perspective on the situation. We do this to understand where each other is coming from so we can work through it without fighting.
The most important part of any form of communication is understanding where you're coming from. How did your family solve conflict and how does that differ from your spouse? Chances are (very high chances I might add), your families did things differently. This was the case for my husband and I. I grew up in a household where my parents bottled up their emotions until they couldn't hold it in anymore. They would blow up screaming at each other and then shut down and never saw them proactively solve the conflict. My husband has never seen his parents fight because they would always handle conflicts privately. I'm not saying either of these ways is right or wrong, but it influences our own tendencies towards conflict. Identify you and your husbands conflict influences and have a conversation about what you do and/or don't like about those influences. Determine a plan of action for the day conflict arises. If you don't make a plan now, you're setting yourselves up to fight each other rather than working together to fight the problem.
When paired with the love languages, communication is a great way to understand what does or doesn't work when it comes to trying different languages. In Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, he talks about our personal love tanks. It's basically a gas tank for humans that gets filled with love. My husband and I have a conversation at least once a month where we ask each other "How's your love tank doin'?" Our average answer is usually an 8 out of 10. We feel loved by each other, but other events in our personal lives can also affect our love tanks. We make sure to discuss why we think we are at an 8 instead of a 10 or a 5. Discussions like this are super healthy and extremely important.
#3: PRAY for him.
This might seem like a no-brainer to some of you and I get it. But let me ask you something...if it's a no-brainer, do you actually do it? It's such a simple thing to do, yet I didn't do it until I intentionally made time for prayer throughout my day. Be specific in your prayers about your husband. You know your husband better than anyone else and I'm 100% certain God knows him better than you. Team up with God and root for your husband from the sidelines. Prayer is so powerful. Your husband doesn't need to know you're praying for him for prayer to work. In fact, God will work without your prayers. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Prayer is another layer of protection over your marriage. You are partnering with God to fight for your husband.
So what should you pray for your husband? I pray 3 specific things over my husband and I'll share them for you as examples. Feel free to use these as a starting point. I encourage you to build on these and tweak them to your liking, but keep them biblical. I pray that God continues to bless my husband, ignite a fire in his heart for the Lord, and answer any of his prayers according to God's will.
Prayer is a direct conversation with Jesus. It's so powerful. I have seen God move within our marriage and its only been 4 months. He's gonna do incredible things in the years to come and I can't wait to share it with you and see how He moves in your lives as well!
Now it's Your Turn!
Let me know what your favorite way to intentionally love your husband was and let me know how you're practicing it by tagging me @_forgoodnesssake._ on instagram! I'm so excited to watch God work in your life and I'm cheering you on and praying for your marriage-whether your married now or plan to be in the future. I had so much love pouring out of me while writing this post. I can't wait to see God move in your lives!
Much love,
Rachel Bethanie
Comments